Suggestions to the Airline Operators

In-flight Safety Briefing

I think most of us never really pay attention during the in-flight safety briefing. I know I do only on several occasions. I only pay attention when the person doing the procedure really caught my eyes or when I don’t have anything to read at that moment. Let me qualify myself first before I go on writing this post. This is not a complain neither it is to degrade any corporations in the airline industry. This is just for fun. It will be in Malay because I think it will be better.

Airline 1

Anak kapal kami akan menerangkan aturcara keselamatan dalam pesawat. Sila tumpukan perhatian kerana aturcara keselamatan didalam pesawat ini mungkin berbeza dari pesawat lain.

Ini tali pinggang keledar anda. Untuk memasangnya sila masukkan hujung tali pinggang kedalam kepala tali keledar. Tarik hujung tali keledar untuk mengetatkannya. Untuk membukanya, sila lepaskan pelekat logam pada tali keledar anda.

Jika tekanan di dalam pesawat rendah, corong-corong oksigen seperti ini akan terkeluar dari unit di atas anda. Tarik corong dengan segera dan pakai corong di hidung dan mulut anda dan bernafas secara normal. Anda mesti memakai corong terlebih dahulu sebelum membantu mereka yang di bawah jagaan anda.

Jaket keselamatan anda ada di bawah tempat duduk anda. Untuk menggunakannya, sarungkan di kepala seperti ini. Sambungkan klip ini dan tarik pita ini hingga ketat. Sebelum meninggalkan pesawat tarik gelembungkan separuh jaket keselamatan dengan menyentap penarik sebelah kiri sahaja. Selepas meninggalkan pesawat, gelembungkan sepenuhnya jaket keselamatan dengan menyentap penarik sebelah kanan. Jika perlu tiup dua corong ini untuk menambah angin. Sentap penarik ini untuk menyalakan lampu di sebelah malam dan tiup wisel ini untuk menarik perhatian.

Pintu-pintu kecemasan dan gelungsur keluar terdapat di kedua-dua belah pesawat ini. Sila ambil perhatian tingkap dan pintu-pintu kecemasan berdekatan dengan anda. Jika anda dikehendaki keluar semasa kecemasan, tinggalkan segala barangan anda dan pergi ke pintu kecemasan yang berdekatan dengan anda. Ikut arahan anak-anak kapal untuk keluar dengan cepat dan selamat. Risalah keselamatan ada terdapat di saku tempat duduk di hadapan anda. Sila baca dengan teliti.

There it goes. However, in the recent years, due to SARS, terrorism and the increase of the oil prices, the airline industry has suffered a major blow. Some of them even lay-ed off some of the employees to cut costs. But this is my suggestion. During the flight itself, the airline can charge the passengers by doing this and may be the low cost carrier can adopt this to maximize its profits. Sure for the next financial quarter you’ll report a huge profit..

My airline.

Anak kapal kami akan menerangkan aturcara keselamatan dalam pesawat. Sila tumpukan perhatian kerana aturcara keselamatan didalam pesawat ini mungkin berbeza dari pesawat lain.

Ini tali pinggang keledar anda. Untuk memasangnya masukkan syiling 50 sen di dalam slot di kepala tali pinggang anda dan kemudian sila masukkan hujung tali pinggang kedalam kepala tali keledar. Masukkan 50 sen lagi untuk mengetatkan tali pinggang keledar anda dan tarik hujung tali keledar untuk mengetatkannya. Untuk membukanya, sila lepaskan pelekat logam pada tali keledar anda. Polisi penerbangan ini mengehendaki kesemua penumpang memakai tali pinggang keledar semasa di dalam pesawat ini.

Jika tekanan di dalam pesawat rendah, corong-corong oksigen ada terjual di belakang pesawat ini pada harga RM3.00 setiap satu. Beli corong dengan segera dan pakai corong di hidung dan mulut anda dan bernafas secara normal. Ambil perhatian, anda akan di caj 50 sen bagi setiap pernafasan yang anda ambil. Anda mesti membeli corong terlebih dahulu sebelum membeli untuk mereka yang di bawah jagaan anda. Cepat sebelum kehabisan stok.

Jaket keselamatan anda ada di bawah tempat duduk anda. Untuk menggunakannya, sila masukkan sepuluh keeping syiling 50 sen kedalam slot di tepi tempat duduk anda. Pakai dengan menyarungkan jaket keselamatan di kepala seperti ini. Sambungkan klip ini dan tarik pita ini hingga ketat. Sebelum meninggalkan pesawat tarik gelembungkan separuh jaket keselamatan dengan menyentap penarik sebelah kiri sahaja. Selepas meninggalkan pesawat, gelembungkan sepenuhnya jaket keselamatan dengan menyentap penarik sebelah kanan. Jika perlu tiup dua corong ini untuk menambah angin. Lampu dan wisel ada di jual secara berasingan sebagai aksesori. Sila hubungi anak kapal kami untuk membeli aksesori-aksesori tersebut. Pasangkan lampu di jaket keselamatan anda dan sentap penarik seperti ini untuk menyalakan lampu di sebelah malam dan tiup wisel yang ada beli untuk menarik perhatian.

Pintu-pintu kecemasan dan gelungsur keluar terdapat di kedua-dua belah pesawat ini. Sila ambil perhatian tingkap dan pintu-pintu kecemasan berdekatan dengan anda. Jika anda dikehendaki keluar semasa kecemasan, tinggalkan segala barangan anda dan pergi ke pintu kecemasan yang berdekatan dengan anda. Sila ambil perhatian bahawa kami akan menjual kesemua barangan anda di kedai-kedai bundle tanpa perlu membayar gantirugi dalam apa bentuk pun kepada anda. Ikut arahan anak-anak kapal untuk keluar dengan cepat dan selamat. Risalah keselamatan akan di jual kepada anda dengan harga RM5.00 setiap satu. Sila ambil perhatian bahawa anda diwajibkan untuk membeli risalah keselamatan dari kami dan sila baca dengan teliti.

Selain dari itu, anak-anak kapal kami akan menjaja nasi lemak dan kuih bagi penumpang-penumpang yang lapar. Sila cuba the tarik istimewa kami pada harga RM3.00 setiap gelas. Sila tanya promosi semasa untuk mendapatkan harga semasa.

Malaysia Boleh. SERIOUSLY?

I don’t remember when the spirit “Malaysia Boleh” was first introduced. But one thing for sure it has gone way beyond the thinkable. Look at some of these examples below. There are different kinds of the “Malaysia Boleh” spirit and some of them in different categories by itself but in the spirit of “Malaysia Boleh”, here we go.

Example 1

Printed on a satellite TV guide. No worries. I subscribed to its service also. But if you read the guide, you’ll see printed somewhere in the guide, “No 1 TV Guide in Malaysia”. Let me ask you this. Other than THE TV GUIDE, do you see any other TV guide running around in our country? I’m not sure who rank them. If you want to claim something, then claim something that you really earn. Not when you are the only one there. Do you feel me? What I am rambling about?

Example 2

Some time ago, the authorities found that a golfer has been practicing here in our country. So, after they found out the fact, they say we should have given him at least a PR. Same with other sports. We gave citizenship to an athlete in walking, shooting and some other sports. Please don’t do that. We have our own athletes. Nurture them. Give them proper training, proper allowance and proper body to take care of their interest. But not to the extent go and build a sport center in London (I’m amused with this Malaysia Boleh spirit really! To do what? Make sure that they can acclimatize?). Furthermore, accept some facts which are proven. Our football team sucks and our hockey team is going there. So Glory Glory Man United. What’s there to hide?

Example 3

A bank claim that they are the best bank in Asia and actually showed the award the won. Pretty impressive don’t you think? They say they are the best bank in Asia I supposed. But today, I called them today to ask about a loan I took some time ago and guess what, nobody entertained me and every time I called, they put me on hold of just cut me off. Is that the attitude of employees of the best bank in Asia? I just wanted a release letter saying my loan has been fully settled. May be they pay for the award they won for some consecutive years. This really pissed me off this afternoon.

Example 4

We just saw the breaking ceremony of the second link to Penang last Sunday. Tacky, that’s my other half say about the design but I heard the link is going to be the longest in Asia? Correct me please if I’m wrong. People, what with this competition on having the longest, the highest or the biggest? We had the highest building some time ago but not before Taiwan came with its own tall building. In the true spirit, let’s compete and try to beat Singapore in having the busiest port in South East Asia (I heard the port is very busy and handled mega ships. We handled mega ship once in the blue moon and of course we highlight it in our newspaper like nobody’s business. We welcome this and that ship. Another “Malaysia Boleh” true spirit. Believe me Singapore handled mega ship almost every week) or beat Thailand for its tourism industry.

To sum up all the examples above, you know what I mean. Somebody please redefine the spirit of “Malaysia Boleh” itself. Point out the real matter to apply this spirit and not just shoot on whatever that comes across and claim that we can and Malaysia can. Do you know how many people swam across the English Channel before our Datuk (what his name was?) swims across and claim that he succeeded in doing something. What good does it bring to Malaysia? Unless we are the first to make a car run with air then, don’t bother. If we are competing on something, compete in something that boost our economy for the least, not compete in something that leaves us billions of Dollars in debt. On no! Somebody stop me from discussing the GDP and growth in the economy and all the KPIs. I mean I want to lash out something here but leave it to the experts or may be next time if these so-called experts tell lies in their report. Remember this is just a thought.

Issues after another

I endeavor to my level best to get something posted here, however, due to mental block and commitment to work, I have decided not to update and further say anything on something. But once something is building up in you, it is like Mt. St Helen. One day or another it will burst. Issues after issues have passed and I let it go. Just like that.

Thus, what was to be highlighted again? I will let my other half write something about the new arrival and the Aidil Fitri. I tell you what I think about some issues or issues to be in the next general election which may put me in trouble. But I believe this is a free country and as a taxpayer I am entitled to highlight these matters to the readers.

First thing to highlight is the saga between Tun Mahathir and our beloved Prime Minister aka Pak Lah. When is it going to end? I mean, Tun has his point and to me, the Prime Minister himself should say something rather than asking his deputy (or his other ministers) to answer the old man. Show some balls I’d say. As for me, may be because I know Tun personally, I have to agree with him and I’d say that his vision should be continued by the successors. Matter pertaining “the Bridge” and “MV Agusta” which to some is lame and outdated should be explained in a proper manner.

Next question I’d ask if I have the proper channel to ask is regarding the petrol prices. Since the current and future prices of crude oil are lower as compared to couple of month ago, would the government (under our beloved PM) review the petrol price? Of course some would say it is still low compared to the petrol prices in some parts of the world, but are we paid as high as those in some parts of the world?

Furthermore, what with this flop in the corruption ranking. I thought under this new leadership, we are supposed to “fight” against corruption? No corruption or at least clean it up. May be we should start from the head. Because somebody told me fish rot from the head. No, I am not insinuating that our leaders are corrupted. Just in case they are then there is no harm checking them first. If they are clean as they claimed they are, then why worry? Give full power to the ACA (Anti Corruption Agency la) and full access to them. The late Tan Sri Harun Hashim told me one afternoon during lunch that our first Prime Minister never stop him from carrying his work when he was the director of the ACA donkey years ago. Ministers, politician, all of them, just name it, were properly investigated. Not like what was reported in The Star today.

To make it worse is some smart Alex Minister pointed out that ACA is supposed to look into why Malaysia’s ranking has plummeted from a better position to worse. I mean logically, the reason being that corruption is still practiced widely here in our country. I am not going to point out who and when but for some people, approving an application means renovating your kitchen. This has become a habit for the approving authorities thus, golf trips, home renovation, girls, karaoke, drinks and lunches are necessary for somebody to get approvals. If not, your application will rot in the recycle bin. Rule of thumb is giving me something before I give you something and the attitudes never change.

In addition, one other minister in the cabinet say, forget about Tun. All his comments are not acceptable and we should not tolerate such comments. May be we should remind her that Tun has all her “shit” in his closet at home. I remember seeing her on the television crying when Tun announced that he would be stepping down. Who was the first to jump again? I think it was this one. But politics remain politics. It is dirty and it gets dirtier once you are there for some time. The one who gives you job is the one you sleep with. That’s another rule of thumb.

Anyway, just hope this is not too heavy for “some people” to read. Just putting down what I feel and it is just a thought.