Antwone Fisher

"Who will cry for the little boy, lost and all alone?

Who will cry for the little boy, abandoned without his own?

Who will cry for the little boy? He cried himself to sleep.

Who will cry for the little boy? He never had for keeps.

Who will cry for the little boy? He walked the burning sand.

Who will cry for the little boy? The boy inside the man.

Who will cry for the little boy? Who knows well hurt and pain.

Who will cry for the little boy? He died and died again.

Who will cry for the little boy? A good boy he tried to be.

Who will cry for the little boy, who cries inside of me?"

- Antwone Fisher

This is a story about pain and suffering. A story about a man who started the journey in his life alone and having nobody to stand by him. No shoulder to cry on and no place to call home. All he has was a guardian who always beats him up and tells him that “He’s ain't nothing. He ain't never gonna' be nothing, 'cause he come from nothing". The only friend he has died in an attempt robbery and he joined the navy because he thinks that it will be better for him.

Knowing it or not those words becomes fuel that gave him strength and the courage to persevere. With those words he learned to tell himself to do the impossible and comfort himself. But the most noticeable attribute was the self defense mechanism, which he has built around himself along the way. He was a self-explosive hot-tempered person.

Before any person can hurt him he will hurt the other person. Before any person left him, he will leave that person. That was the way he carries on with his life. We all have our own defense mechanism. Whether we realized it or not, it is just a matter of grasping the facts and putting it into place.

What is your defense mechanism that you have in you?

Those buggers took my shoes

I don’t really have many shoes throughout my life (well, let’s exclude the existence of football boots, kasut sekolah and running shoes). Despite all that, I owned some nice shoes along the way. This includes couple of boots, loafers and moccasins. But I love my shoes. I love the one that I have.

The story of me loosing shoes started when I first put my feet on the university soil. For some reasons or another, I started loosing a pair after another pair of my shoes. The first incident was my loafers when I am staying at the Lembah Pantai Campus. I lost it at Masjid Abu Bakar As Siddiq in Bangsar (it is the mosque for goodness sake). I don’t know whether the culprit followed me the mosque but some how or rather he managed to trace my shoes even with the fact that I put my shoes separately. One side at one shoe rack and the other side at the other shoe rack, which is about 5 feet apart. I didn’t manage to get the loafers back (kira halal la tu). But the idiot who stole my shoes has the courtesy to leave behind a pair of “Japanese slippers” (selipar jepun) for me to wear.

The second pair was a boot. I like that boot because first of all, it is damn comfortable and secondly I got it at a good price. But this time, I didn’t loose the pair at a mosque or any public place but in my own room. Can you believe it? Loosing a pair of shoes in your own room. I must have been asleep at that time (tido mampus la ni). A week after the incident, I went to a “pasar malam” in Kerinchi and surprisingly I saw my shoes among those sold at the second hand shoes place and of course I have to repurchase my own shoes at the price of RM35/- (funny thought, you actually buy a pair of shoes twice).

Third pair was another pair of boots. This time I lost my shoes during Friday prayer at KLCC mosque. Soon I found out that these people actually never stops stealing shoes. Ironically, I didn’t put it very far from where I was standing. They were just behind the place where I pray. Once I finish my business with God I turned and found out that my shoes were missing. Believe it or not, you can loose your belonging that fast, even if it is with a blink of your eyes.

After those incidents I got a little smart. I didn’t bring my shoes to any mosque anymore. It is within the perimeter of my office every time I go out for prayer or anytime I need to take off my shoes. Or if I got into the incident where I have to wear shoes when I go for Friday prayers, I will go to the nearest (expensive) cobbler and ask them to polish my shoes. So, I will leave my shoes there at the cobbler and wear their slippers to the mosque. Well, it will cost you some money but it is still better compared to loosing your shoes which worth some money but a little bit more expensive compared to the expenses you pay to polish your shoes.

Until one day when I actually forgot to bring in my loafers into the sacred perimeter of my own house (or actually my mother in-law’s place). Then recently (actually last Tuesday) I lost another pair of shoes. The one I wore on Monday. I forgot to bring it into the house again and this time the idiots didn’t hesitate. Damn, that was the pair my wife gave me for our wedding. I swear if I ran into the person who took it, I whack his head twice. One whack for stealing other people’s property and another whack for stealing the property, which are the shoes that my wife gave me during our wedding.

I mean, what the heck for going around stealing other people’s shoes? How much money can you get from selling second hand shoes? For me shoes are like undergarments and toothbrush. You don’t go around and steal other people’s undergarments (well, this is not actually true because I had a friend who has a friend who likes to steal woman brassiere (was there man brassiere?) and panties (he’s mentally unstable what can I say) and my mother used to tell me when she was in college, she has friend who like to steal those things too.

I can understand if you steal money or other consumables but shoes? Come on people. I don’t buy shoes that often and it will take me a long time to get the one that I really like. Gay people wear most shoes sold now. Just look at the pattern. We men don’t wear that. You know the pointy type with buckles. I’d rather wear the one with shoelaces. A bit trouble to tie the shoelaces but as long as I don’t look like George Micheal in Malaysia I’d be happy. No, the manufacturers must make people look like that. It is all in the name of fashion (Don’t get me started on men’s fashion. They all look ridiculous now). We say 70’s were bad but look at those on sale now. They are even worse.

Okay, lets get back on the shoes topic. I mean all of them look ridiculous. May be it is due to my up bringing. You know the military style and everything, the style for men shoes should be one type only but hey, we look manly in that kind of shoes. With shoelaces (not the pointy one) and all. Leave the pointy shoes to the ladies. We don’t need to look like genie in Aladdin. I don’t know when I am getting another pair to replace the one I lost couple of days ago but believe me, I will only find the one I like after some time and after countless of actual men hours utilised.

Men vs Women

Don't blame me for this but this is what i received today on my e-mail...

1. NAMES

If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will affectionately call each other Laur, Lin, Liz and Barb.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Shit-Head and Baldy.

2. EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom throw $20 in the centre of the table (even though the bill is only $47.50. None of them have anything smaller and none will admit they want change.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY

A man will pay $ 3.00 for a $1.00 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1.00 for a $3.00 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

4. BATHROOMS

A man has five items in his bathroom: Toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, bar soap, and a towel rom the Marriott.

A woman's bathroom has approx. 337 items. A man cannot identify most of these items.

5. ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

6. CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

7. FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she has a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he h as a wife.

8. SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9. MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

10. DRESSING UP

Women dress up to take in the mail, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and go shopping.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11. NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12. OFFSPRING

Ah, kids! A woman knows all about her kids! She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears, hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some little people living in the house.

13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering them.

AND FINALLY...

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of jack asses, cows and pigs, the husband, to break the silence, asked jokingly, "Relatives of yours?" His wife replied, "Yup... my in-laws!"


Well, the last one was quite offensive but hey... we are living la vida loca..

For all the pet...

Rambai – Langsat – Duku – Ciku – Manggis – Labu – Kundor – Rambutan

They are the local fruit and vegetables. If that is your guess, guess again. If you ask me they are mammals, from a feline family. They are my cats. Back then, when I was small (but a little older than my lovely daughter now) about two years old, I have dozens of cats. The name above is just for some of them. But I was close to 8 of them.

Rambai was a female dominant cat. She has like seven colors on her. Spots of course. She gave birth to almost dozens other and all of them are mine. She lived long enough to see me go to secondary school. I was 16 when she died. I don’t know how old is she in cat years but I think it is old. She even started to eat vegetables because she can’t possibly be eating any meat anymore since losses all her teeth during the end of her reign as the dominant female cat.

Langsat was Rambai’s confidante. She’s a female cat too. Whenever you see Rambai, Langsat will be there. It is like a bodyguard thingy but closer. They share same plate of food every meal. Langsat is yellow with couple of white spots on her body.

Duku and Ciku is two young male cats. All they do is laze around and guard the house. One day, when me and my parent were out (yes, only me at that time and no brothers yet), a viper actually went into our house. When we came back, we saw both of them playing with the already dead viper. I assume that they killed the poor snake.

Manggis is unique. How unique. If you believe in these entire Feng-Sui thing, you’ll sat manggis is bad luck. She’s black with white on the tips of her ears. She wears white socks too.

Kundor was a tragic story. He died in front of me. A three-ton lorry ran over him. You should see him man. Flat on the tarmac dead. I think all of his nine lives are wasted on that accident. He was all white with half tail.

Labu was orange (hence the name labu) and rambutan came later on. I wonder why didn’t I have durian, genuak, petai etc. But that was that.

Later (when my brother came), I had more cats but no more local fruits. They are “the King” (named after Elvis), I have Ringgo, Lennon, Harisson and Mc Cartney (the infamous quartet known as the “Beatles”), I have Mickey, Duckie and Goofy (the Disney cartoon character) and last but not least I have Charlie (Lockheed C-130 Hercules), Orion (PC-3), Tom (F-14 Tom Cat) and Hawk (A-4 Skyhawk (all of them are named after airplanes.

Then, for a period of 5 or 6 years we lived without pets. That’s when we moved around like the bedawian people. Not until one day, my father brought back Rickie except that he’s not a cat. It is a civet. It is a protected wild life but we took it anyway. My father found him next to the runway in Jalan Gambang Air Force Base in Kuantan. The mother abandoned him and scoop away I supposed. He was our pet for almost eight months until he disappear one day. We never knew what actually happened to him.

Then I got to know some other cats. Clyde is a fat stupid lazy cat. He was not like that before the owner decides to snip (ouch) you know what. Pity him. He died of heart attack I heard. Then, the alpha male Rupert and the “tembel” Joe. At the same time, I know Cabbit (me and my wife think that she was eaten by the Vietnamese contractors in Kajang since she looks like a cat and a rabbit therefore the name Cabbit), Moe and (what was her name. I can’t remember), oh never mind there was another one.

I relief them from their duties except for Rupert (the cat with an attitude) when my wife and me are expecting our daughter and that was it. I think my daughter like cats as well. Whenever she sees a cat she’ll go (in her language) meow, eeeeee meow.

We write in school

Back in school my teacher taught me to write an essay you must be able to elaborate the points you have in mind. Despite all that encouraging words, I was unable to write a particular story well, sometimes I have to count the words used in my composition. Remember in the SPM or SRP (or something equivalent lah) essays part where you have to write more than 350 words. May be it is due to my lack of imagination at that time or I am just lack in writing skills.

Take for example, you are given the following points to write something: -

King and Queen – little princess was born – Queen died – King remarries – New Queen a witch – has a magic mirror – always ask mirror – mirror’s answer not what New Queen wants to hear – found out princess is fairer and prettier – sent for a hunter to kill princess – hunter let princess go – princess found small cottage – sleep at the cottage – New Queen found out that princess still alive – try to kill princess again – princess ate poison apple – princess was placed in glass casket – prince came and kiss princess – prince and princess got married and live happily ever after.

May be some years back I have to think hard and try to figure out what the heck I am supposed to write. But believe it or not I have improved a little throughout the years. It has been nearly 12 years since I left secondary school and my story would go something like this….

In a foreign land far away from here, there is a kingdom. The land was green and the people are very friendly. It is a very peaceful and beautiful kingdom. If you are there, you will hear birds chirping at the earliest light. You will smell the blooming flower in the meadows and the people are so nice you don’t have to do anything once you enter the kingdom’s gate.

A very nice handsome and generous king rules the kingdom. He lived in a castle just outside the city limit. The castle was built on a very beautiful land. Right next to the castle, there is a lake and the background is a cascade of mountains. The garden is luscious green, and roses bloom in every corner of the garden. Not only that, you can also find bushes of tulips, daisies and some “chicken shit flower” (bunga taik ayam) too. In short, that is the most beautiful garden in the whole kingdom.

Once you enter the castle, you will be mesmerized by the beautiful architecture. The floor is so shiny once you are walking on the floor; it is like walking on water. The stair handle was carved from ivory. The doors were made from the best wood and the dining table can seat 100 guests. The castle has all the luxury a human being can ask for.

Living together in the castle with the king is the queen. She is the most beautiful person a man could ever imagine. She is fairer than snowflakes and her lips are redder than blooming roses. Her eyes can light up rooms and her smile shelter the people in the kingdom from all sickness.

Despite the peaceful kingdom, the beautiful castle and the prettiest queen, the king feels that his life is not complete. The King and Queen have no offspring of their own (of course a king will not be happy to surrender his throne to somebody else especially his brothers). The King and Queen have taken all measures and the best gynecologists have been summoned to the castle but to no avail. The king and queen also tried all method possible but there are still no positive results. Still they keep trying. One day the king said the queen,

“If we are able to get offspring, I will feed all the homeless in this kingdom and the neighboring kingdom”.

One day, while in the royal bathroom, the queen fell, as she was not feeling well. All the best doctors in the kingdom were summoned to the castle and the doctors came to a conclusion that the queen is expecting. The king announces to the kingdom that he is getting a child. Finally, after nine full moons pass the queen gave birth to a beautiful princess. Like the queen, the princess’s skin is as fair as snowflakes; her cheek is as red as the Japanese macaque (you know the one that likes to have a long dip in the hot spring), nah I was just joking. The princess’s cheek is as red as roses in the garden same as the queen’s cheek.

[to be continued. This can go on and on and on and my blog will end up being a place for me to tell fairy tales]

See what I mean. 12 years ago I was not able to think how to spice up a story but now I am able to do that and the story above can end up being a short novel. I know it is the same as the fairy tale we are used to, the story of Snow White and the seven dwarfs. But if I was not here today, I don’t think the story will be like that. Just a short writing about a little princess and how the stepmother tries to kill her. And then the end.

Like life, it all falls into place once you are over 40. Everything’ there already and you see most of the things already.

Touch & Go. Helping us or ...???

Now we have the Touch & Go (“T&G”) system in place. From paying the toll rates to paying the parking at my office, the T&G card looks very convenient to us. Pay Rangkaian Segar Sdn Bhd (“Company”) and we have access to all toll and almost all parking bays in Kuala Lumpur. In addition, we have busses operators and other public transport operators linking their service to the T&G system as well.

Remember the time when one minister is angry because the highway concessionaires are delaying in installing their T&G system? Then, couple of months after that, all tolls in Malaysia has the system installed in the place to replace the autopay system.

But, whether we realize it or not, the T&G system is like blood sucking ticks. The company only take money from you and live with it. There is no convenience built in the T&G system. That’s one of the reasons why I stopped paying this Company.

Let me lay the facts one by one. First of all, to get the card, you have to pay a deposit of Ringgit Malaysia 30 (RM30/-) (if I am not mistaken). But have we ever thought what the heck is the deposit for? If the are talking about the cost of making the card, why we the consumer should bear all the cost of installing the system and producing the cards. We are the consumer for goodness sake. The Company should be the party who should bear the costs.

Imagine, RM30 deposit for each card; multiply with say about 10 million users of the T&G cards. The amount of money generated from the deposit alone is RM300,000,000.00. That’s three hundred million free money. Of course it can only be captured as deposit in the Company’s account but imagine how much money it can generate through fixed deposit arrangements with the banks. Say the rate now is 3.2% pr annum for a month. The income generated from the FD only is at least RM800,000.00 per month. And how many of us go to the Company and claim the RM30/- after we finish using the card anyway?

Well, for me, the RM30 imposed is nothing more than transferring the cost of making the card to the users. Am I right or I am right? So, what cost does the company incur? None I supposed. Then the next scenario. Let say each of the 10 million users top up RM50 value to their cards. That’s RM500,000,000.00 another free money. The money will only go to the highway concessionaires after they send monthly invoice to the Company and the Company has a period of 30 days to make the payment. That’s two months. So, FD again and that’s RM1.3 million a month. What do we get? Nothing, no discount or anything given to us the users or consumers. The Company can at least give us 10% discount because we pay them in advance and by giving 10% the Company actually encourage us to use it.

Furthermore, like the parking operators here at my office, they will enter into an arrangement with the Company so that they can charge an additional 10% on top of the price paid. So, the parking operators will get the 10% surcharge on top of the price and the total amount will go directly to the Company. Pay a little commission to the parking operator, and well, we malay says, “duit atas angin tu”.

I am not stopping here. For our “convenience", the Company linked up with the banks for us to reload the value and the bank will of course charge us another RM0.50 for the service. So, the costs still go to us when the Company should be the one who bear the costs. Right? Is this the real “capitalisation” economy system or this is just plain “cekik darah”? And to add to the above, when we drive through a tollbooth, sometimes we have to endure the incident where our T&G card didn’t work. Touch it once, the sign card error will show. So, you have to reverse your car and the cars behind you (being the typical Malaysian) can’t just stop honking. Is that what we expect when we are the users of the so-called “technology”?

And if you loose your card and say you have balance of RM150.00 value in your card, can you get the balance transferred to a new card? or the money just go into the thin air? Can you stop the card from being used? Well, ladies and gentlemens, we can't do the things herein mentioned. What you can do is buy a new card, pay another RM30 to the Company and add another RM150.00 for the value you loose. Can we smile after that?

The conditions on the card states if you loose the card, you should report it to the Company but for what purpose? If you are not able to block the usage of the card and to transfer the balance value in the card that we loss, regardless whether we report loss or not we are not going to get the card or the value in it back.

My friend had an incident where he actually went to make the report. So, the person at the office of the Company gave him a form to fill, and when he asked the questions above, she can't answer all the question. So, for what purpose we fill in the forms?

I think the Company should change their principal business from providing a card based payment system to toll, public transport and other payment based premises to collecting money from the Malaysian citizen and drawing money from Fixed Deposits.

1+1 = (...)

Last Tuesday I watched The Apprentice. A reality TV show that brings selected young executives throughout the United States of America and they will compete against each other and finally they will have the chance to be the apprentice of Mr Duckie Trump. Duckie Trump is one of the richest and the most successful real estate developer in the US. I know it has got nothing to do with the TV show but I remember a story I heard.

A senior accountant from the Bursa Malaysia Securities Berhad told me this story when I attended a Malaysian Tax Conference at the Securities Commission couple of months ago. The story was told to illustrate the differences in tax calculation and how accountants use accounting methods to either show profits or losses in a company’s account.

The story happened in a company’s boardroom where an interview for the post of accountant of a company was held. There was a three panel interviewer in the boardroom. The first person was the Managing Director cum CEO, the second person was the Finance Director and the third person was the General Manager of the company.

Outside the room, three candidates were short listed for the interview. All of them are nervous. Of course who wouldn’t since the company is a public listed company and they pay their employees handsomely too. The first candidate (Emil) has his pants pulled up right above his navel. Hair was combed nicely and he’s prepared to do anything to get the job. He is a straight forward kind of guy. If you ask him a question, the answer will all be in accordance with the accountancy principle. So, He was the first candidate to be called in.

In the boardroom the managing director asked the man’s name.

MD: Please have a sit. What’s your name son?

Emil: Emil, Emil Noor sir.

MD: I see your CV is impressive. But can you give me the answer to the question I am about to ask you?

Emil: I will try my best sir.

MD: What’s 1+1?

Emil: That’s easy sir. The answer is 2.

(The boardroom went quiet for a while before all the panel nodded to each other and dismiss Emil)

MD: well Emil, we’ll see the other two before we decide who’s the right person for our company.
Emil: Thank You sir. I hope your decision favors me.

The MD pressed the intercom button on the table and told his secretary to tell the second candidate to enter the boardroom. So the second candidate walked into the boardroom. She wears a thick pair of spectacles and she carries a briefcase. The MD leaned towards the Finance Director and said to him.

MD: I think this is going to be interesting.
Finance Director: We’ll see.

The second candidate is a common text book student. All answer is taken from the text book and she actually passed the exam by memorizing all the facts written in the text book. The Finance Director asked her.

Finance Director: What’s you name young woman?
Candidate: Uh… (she hesitated)...My name is Majdah sir…
Finance Director: Look, if we are satisfied with the answer of this question, we will hire you now.
Majdah: I’ll try my best sir.
Finance Director: What’s 1+1?
Majdah: Well sir, I can’t give you the exact answer. I will have to check what the book says.

(The panel nodded and told Majdah that the answer was not the answer they were looking for)

Then came the third candidate’s turn to enter the boardroom to meet the panel. He greeted them and he sat just next to the MD. He told the MD.

“Well, sir. I am the candidate you are looking for.” So, the MD asked him the same question. “What’s 1+1?”

The third candidate leaned towards the MD and asked the MD with confidence. “Well sir, how much do you want me to put there? We can see the figures get there.”

The third candidate got the job… and suprisingly the third candidate's name is kept a secret. I don't know why...