Once upon a time, we learn how to pray.

Once upon a time, most of the people in the peninsular profess Hinduism. This is evidenced by the excavation of numbers of place of worship and temples. Other sign of Hinduism was the culture that was molded into the our culture like chewing on the betel leaves and some official ceremony such as the “bersanding” (during marriage solemnization) etc.

So, sometime in the 10th century (or may be later and the argument is now purely academic) we, people in the peninsular were taught the Islamic pillars and Islamic way of life. One of the pillars in Islam is prayer. We are required to pray five times daily day. That includes Subuh (at dawn), Zohor (afternoon), Asar (evening), Maghrib (dusk) and Isyak (night).

So, this story happens in a small village, somewhere up north. A preacher was teaching a group of people how to pray. He says; when the angel Gabriel came to the Holy Prophet Muhammad S.A.W. (P.B.U.H.) to teach him how to pray, Gabriel says to the Holy Prophet pray as I pray. So the Holy Prophet says muslims at his period, “pray as you see me pray”. That’s the approach taken by the preacher to teach the people there how to pray.

The Preacher said to the group of people: -

“just follow what I do and that’s how you pray. I’ll be your imam and you just follow behind me”

So, he started praying, with takbir and then started reciting Surah Al Fatihah. In the middle of reciting surah al fatihah, he felt something creeping on his thigh. The preacher stomped his leg so that the thing fell off.

When the people behind him saw what he did, they did the same thing remembering him saying do what I do. So, all of the people in the group behind the preacher stomped their feet. Still, the creeping creature didn’t fall off the preacher’s feet.

So he started jumping up and down hoping that the creeping creature would fall off his thigh. The group jumped up and down following his act and thinking that he was teaching them how to pray and that’s how people pray.

Still, the unlucky preacher couldn’t have the creeping creature off his thigh now up his crotch. He said to himself, “I must do something before this thing bite all my manhood”. So he ran off to the field just in front of the place where they were praying and started jumping up and down. All follow suit. The preacher thought, “why are these idiots are following me?”

Then the creeping creature bit the preacher’s crotch. “Ouchhhh he goes”. Then “Ouchhhh” the group goes thinking the act is still part of the prayer. Then the preacher goes, “Stop following me” and the group repeated after him.

He gave up with the group and sprint to the river (funny right all at the same place, river field etc). He then jumped into the river and the group jumped into the river with him. Still the pain was there (you know where lah) and he opened his pant to take the creeping creature off…

Somebody from the group following him said, “uhhhh… wouldn’t it be embarrassing? I am not going to strip naked and I don’t think this is part of the prayer anymore”

The End.

So that was it and they all started the prayer afresh… moral of the story… make sure you know what you’re doing even if you are following somebody.

At last something to say...

I didn’t know it was hard to get ideas to write something. I mean I have tons of ideas but to canvas it as a document and to write about it may take some time. In that sense I respect those who can sit and write anything anytime anywhere. Well I don’t belong to that group of people.

I was about to write something on Jeslina Hashim’s case against the Jabatan Agama Islam Wilayah but I told myself why bother. Most people agree with her anyway. Including some of the ministers. To me, what is wrong is wrong. You don’t have to ask why other people are not arrested as well especially the non-muslims. What did she do wrong? Well for a start, we can say under Section 29 of the Shariah Criminal Offences (Federal Territory) Act 1997 (“the Act”) provides: -

“Any person who, contrary to Islamic law, acts or behaves in an indecent manner in a public place shall be guilty of an offence and shall on conviction be liable to a fine not exceeding one thousand ringgit or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding six month or to both”

she may say that, well my mother didn’t say anything about what I wear, but that does not mean you are right and your parents are right at that time.

To add on to that, for those who drink (intoxicating drink) according to the Act shall be liable on cinviction for three thousand or term not exceeding two years or to both. That was mentioned under Section 19 of the Act.

So, if the JAWI people carry out their duty, and then have to discharge all these people due to pressure from certain quarters, then what the point of having first of all the laws enacted and the departments to enforce the laws. Let us live the way we choose to live anyway. No doubt there are allegations of misconduct on the part of the JAWI enforcement officers, but would that justify the release of those who were arrested that night?

Furthermore, nobody claim anything when Saleem (IKLIM) was convicted for drug offences. It is a parliament enacted laws same as the Act. Why there is double standard when it comes to religious matters or religious laws?

Then we complain why other people don’t respect our religion and us? That is why we are eating sausages made from pig intestines now. It all started with us. If we go out and eat, we never ask whether it is halal or not. And we go to places where we are not supposed to go. So the non-muslims will say if we are not careful and don’t care what people say or worst of all the shariah laws say, why should they?

The crux of it all is compliance with the shariah principles. We don’t have to propose rules and regulation to regulate muslims in discos and places where they are not supposed to be.

We don’t need to propose a law to say what’s sexy and what is not or how a muslim should dress. Wouldn’t it be absurd and have no purpose. Because the quran itself has drawn the principles of muslim aurat (man and woman). Check surah an-nur and what it says on aurat. If one does not want to follow the principles laid down by the Holy Quran don’t say something that make you look stupid. Just let it be. You don’t have to say well there is no law governing things like that.

I am saying all that because there’s a statement from certain quarters calling for rules to be enacted on attire of muslims and behavior of muslims in pubs and entertainment premises.

And as far as I can remember, this is not the first time these things happen. Remember the case of Helmi Gimik and the case where muslims ladies are caught participating in some beauty pageant contests. As a muslim, I feel embarrassed when muslims are ignorant and they plead that they didn’t know. I remember a latin phrase I learned in law school. It goes “ignorantia lex non-excusat”. The simple meaning of the phrase is ignorance of the law is not an excuse.

Thus, a person cannot plead that he does not know the law once he committed crime or act and omission, which are made a crime by any laws and/or act of parliament. I am not telling everybody to go and read law here but rather asking people to let the authorities work and do their job. There may be a necessity to streamline the enforcement bodies and the rules and regulations governing their act but don’t go and disturb their work.

I have the feeling that some quarters may not be agreeable to my opinion here, but it is up to us to uphold our religion. Don’t expect a non-muslim to come and say “hey, I am protecting Islam and muslim”.

Grandma White

As I was having my lamb stew with a large bit of corn bread (from the Albanian store) and a glass orange juice (which is always free for me) at the cafeteria at the Kulliyyah of Economic six years ago, Shahbina (my second cousin) came running and hug me. I was thinking to myself, what the h*** he’s up to. Tears running down from his eyes as I wonder what were the bad news was. Did my girlfriend tell him that we broke up? (We broke up earlier, so that is not a possible answer) Or was it something else? He broke the news and whisper slowly into my ear: -

“Tok Teh dah tak dak. Tadi pukul 10.00 pagi” (Tok Teh refers to my grandmother and we refer her as Tok Puteh or Grandma White@ Mdm White as she was extremely fair. Her real name is Radziyah Bt Ismail)

My grandmother was 90++ years of age at that time. I froze as I didn’t know how to react at that particular moment. I knew I lost somebody so dear to me. I was stunned, sad, and speechless and I didn’t know what to do. The only word that came out from my mouth was “tok”. That was it. No other words.

My feet froze and the food didn’t look that good anymore. I didn’t expect that to come. At least I did not expect that for another ten years. But Allah loves her more than we love her and there she went.

I ran quickly to my room, took my toothbrush and some undergarments and off I flew to Sungai Petani (I didn’t take the plane but drove all the way and it took me about 2 and ½ hour to get there. That’s why I say I flew there)

I reached Kg Permatang at approximately 1.00 p.m. All my relatives were preparing her for the funeral. I looked into the house and everybody was wearing a gloomy face. At that moment I was still didn’t know how to react. My youngest brother who fights all the time with my grandmother was at a corner looking at my grandmother’s cold body quietly (he remains quiet for almost two weeks after that).

Cu was at another corner weeping away with Memi (my other aunt). I looked into her small room and I saw a glimpse of my grandmother’s cold body on her bed and I know for sure that she gone forever leaving us the children, grandchildren and great grandchildren for eternity. It was just one week before Aidil Adha.

I spent the whole Ramadhan with her as her health was not good as usual. I fed her for iftar (breaking of fast) and she told me to go slow as she was still trying to swallow the rice I fed her and during that time she always said,

“bila tok mati nanti, jangan lupa sedekah Qulhu banyak-banyak kat tok tiap-tiap hari”

I still hear her saying it until today and I never forget to do so. We spent the Hari Raya like usual. She always says that we must make ketupat for Hari Raya. She told my father. “Nanti anak cucu nak mai makan apa?” so we must have ketupat, rendang and beef curry for Hari Raya.

Back to the day, my father told me that she could not swallow her food during breakfast and my father had to take it out from her mouth as her time has come. She told my father, “My time has come, and please forgive me”.

My brother, who was at home, took her to the bathroom (as she asked my brother to take her there to take a bath) and she fell there as she could not walk anymore. My brother then carried her and put her on my bed at home and she took her last breath there. At all times, her mouth never stopped saying the name of Allah and never stopped saying the ‘kalimah shahadah’. It was easy for her and she went peacefully.

My flashback was interrupted when my cousins carried my grandmother’s body into the coffin. I gave her the last peck on her cheek. Her face was same only a little pale and of course no more words coming out from her mouth telling me how to go on with my life. She looks like as if she was smiling as they closed the coffin and we took her to the mosque for the last prayer for her then straight to the last stop before she starts her new journey. By 6.00 p.m. we left our grandmother next to her brother (who passed away nearly 20 years earlier) to rest forever.

My jeans and my shirt were covered with mud and dirt from the grave and I need to take a bath and rest.

Right after the funeral, I went back to our house in Sungai Petani to freashen up since my grandmother’s place was not the place to ease down and take a bath. There I was driving alone back to Sungai Petani. I looked into the rear view mirror and remembered the time when my grandmother used to sit at the back seat whenever she wants to go to our place in Sungai Petani or whenever she’s forced to go there.

At that moment, I broke down and cried (I didn’t cry earlier sebab macho la konon, until that particular moment) knowing that she will not be at the back seat anymore telling me to stop at the goreng pisang stall. She will not be at the back seat anymore to tell me to send her back to her house after she has finished her business at our house even if it was only for one day. I am going to miss that moment with her forever.

The moment where she told me all the stories, the stories about where we came from, stories about my grandfather (I never met my grandfather because he passed away when my father was 5 years old) and stories about my father. I am going to miss that entire thing but most of all; I am going to miss her. She didn’t give me presents or even money. But why am I going to miss her? It’s the small things that she does. She comforts me when I don’t have anywhere to go (of course the time was when my father scolded me), she cook my favourite dish when I am around, she protect me from my father (when I came back from having a good time with my friends at the river or when I came back late from the football field. She always say “macam hang dulu lah” to my father) and most of all, she was the person who taught me Quran. I finished my first round in front of her and she told me, “ni dah habih baca ni bukan tak payah baca dah, kena baca selalu”.

I remember we always wait for her for dinner because she will recite quran after Maghrib (the evening prayer) till Isyak. That’s her routine. She never says bad things about people and she never makes me feel sad, angry or loss. She was always there me and for her other grandchildren.

It was a huge loss for me. I will miss the nice food she used to cook for us whenever we are there especially during Ramadhan. The entire kampong (well if not the entire kampong, her neighbours then) will get some whenever she makes kuih.

I spent the next two weeks doing nothing but trying to grasp the facts that my grandmother was gone; I even asked another date from my lecturer for my exams which they allow me to do so after looking at me.

Like my youngest brother, I was shock as well. I know what’s going in my brother’s mind because I felt the same. Each of us has that special moment with our grandmother and in fact, all of us including my cousins have their special moments. We miss her dearly. She was the nicest grandmother a person could ever have.



Tok Puteh,

“Al-Fatihah. May Allah bless your soul and put your soul among the souls of the martyrs and the scholars”

17A1 it is...

What’s the secret of your success? That’s the usual question the reporters ask a person who has achieve something whether in life or in his or her study. Yesterday (9 March 2005), the news was about a girl who has achieved 17A1 in her Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM). What did she say? I quote: -

“Saya akan pastikan agar kerja rumah saya selesai sebelum saya mengulangkaji pelajaran sekurang-kurang nya empat (4) jam sehari”

Her mother says:

“Saya dah nampak kebolehannya sejak tadika lagi”

So, being a smart and/or gifted person plus hardwork. That’s the conclusion. So, what motivates her to achieve 17A1? She said again: -

“Saya baca dalam surat khabar ada pelajar yang dapat 15A1 dalam SPM, jadi saya cabar diri saya, jika orang lain boleh buat kenapa saya tak boleh buat”

That’s the spirit which brings me to where I am now. If other people can do it why can’t I? I didn’t achieve 17A’s but my achievement is enough to land me several offers for me to pursue my study at the institute of higher learning and to be what I am today. Jotting down my journey throughout my secondary school, my school was not the best school in Malaysia. Few of us know my secondary school and being a sekolah pondok (well it is known as Sekolah Agama Rakyat) my future was not clear according to some people.

One of my aunts says: -

“Esok nak jadi apa lepas habis sekolah? Paling tinggi pun jadi Ustaz (which is not a bad profession as you teach people about religion and way of life and it is among the thing which will accumulate rewards for you once you kicked the bucket) kat sekolah kalau tak pun balik Sungai Petani kerja kilang (since Sungai Petani is the capital for kilang in Kedah)”

Adding to that discouragement I got from my aunts, my school was not equipped with the latest state of the art equipments and most of the time I didn’t have proper teachers. For example, during my form 4 periods, I have no English teacher and no Science teacher. Our science lab was so bad we can’t even used it as a science lab. I use the lab to experiment my creation (Mostly with explosive materials and/or chemicals). Other than that it was just another class room.

My friends told me “rugi hang tak keluark dari sekolah tu. Tak dak masa depan”

But all of the statements and discouragements do not stop me from going after what I want as I was among the achievers in my school. I did well in my Sijil Rendah Pelajaran (SRP) and most of my friends (those who did well in SRP) left the school for MARA Junior Science College (MRSM), Kolej Islam Sultan Alam Shah (KISAS) and other boarding schools which according to the Malaysian view, are the better place to study.

I told myself “if those idiots in proper boarding school can make it, why can’t I?” of course I didn’t have proper syllabus or proper guidance for my SPM or any other exams. The teachers work hard to teach us what they know and what they read from the book. I thank them very much for their hard work and nothing in this world can pay what they have done for me and my friends. All I did was read from the books my parents bought me (I remember there were from different publishers such as Sasbadi, Preston and Adabi, no wait, that’s the Kari Powder Company) and my friends spent hundreds of Ringgit paying the tuition classes just to get to know what is taught in the other government school. I didn’t go to any tuition (that’s another issue) classes like my friends but the struggle was there.

I am not showing that we are smart people but rather the way we worked and how hard we worked compared to the students in normal government school. We survived and most of us in the class of 94 left school with honours not because for what we achieved but for what we’ve gone through. Now I am an advocate & solicitor, and I heard my friends have made it as well. One of them is a Captain in the Royal Malaysian Air Force piloting a Nuri (well we could have another helicopter according to some quarters but believe it or not, the United States of America still uses the same model as Marine One). The other is an engineer with Malaysia Airlines and there are some of them who serve the Malaysian Government as well.

Thus, I humbly think that we especially “anak-anak melayu” should have taken the way that Nur Amalina Che Bakri has chosen and the way me and my friends have chosen. It is: -

“…if those idiots can do it, so can we…”

It is all in our state of mind. If you think you are a failure. A failure shall you be and if you think otherwise, the sky is your limit. We were born the same. Some of us are a little lucky because we are a little smart compared to the others but if we look at the old malay proverb says “Belakang Parang Kalau Di Asah Akan Menjadi Tajam (or something like that)”.

A Lady and her Three Daughters

Some of you may have heard of this before but I really have to tell you again this story as I can’t stop laughing today. But let me remind you that this story is NOT a story you can tell your kids as bedtime story and the writer shall not at any time be held responsible for any moral degradation or any incident similar to it. The story goes something like this: -

Once upon a time there was a lady who lived with her three daughters in her house in the middle of a big, humongous, gigantic city. Let’s just name the city “Manchester” (remember this city does not exist and it is an imaginary name of a city named by the story teller). The three girls are well groomed, well educated and they are extremely b-e-a-u-tiful. One of them has a master degree in astro-physics and her sisters have obtained masters degree in Science and Mathematics respectively.

Thus, on one fine day, three young distinguished gentlemen came to her house in the middle of the city to ask her daughters’ hand in marriage (meminang lah kalau orang melayu cakap). Since all of them are good looking and filthy rich too (mata duitan punya budak-budak), all of the young girls agreed to the proposal and the lady fixed the date for all of her daughters wedding ceremony to be done simultaneously.

When the big day finally arrived, reality hits and she realised, after that day she will be left alone at home without her three young beautiful daughters. However, she manages to keep her composure and go on with the ceremony. Then it was time for her daughters to leave her. Before all three of her daughters leave, she asked them to send her news about them and tell her how their husband were and how did their husbands perform.

Then, off they went in their own carriage and left the lady alone in her big house in the middle of the city. Days gone by and there are no news about her three daughters. One week went by, still no news about the daughters. After two weeks, one of her daughter (lets call her “Paris” (not Paris Hilton or City of Paris) finally sent her a telegram. The telegram reads: -

“Maxwell Coffee”

The Lady was puzzled and sad since she didn’t know what the telegram really meant. She wrote a note to Paris for explanations and on her way to the post office, a bill board caught her eyes. It says: -

“Maxwell Coffee”
“enjoyment till the last drop”

After reading the advertisement, the lady was happy knowing that Paris was happy with her husband. But she can’t keep her mind off her other two daughters (well since I gave the first daughter a name I have to give these two names too. They are Brooklyn (not the Beckhams) and Tacoma (sounds a little bit like native American name but never mind as long as it is a name).

After three weeks, Brooklyn sent her a Text massage. The massage reads: -

“Rothmans”

Quickly she ran to the magazine store and look for Rothmans advertisement and right after she saw and read the advertisement, she knew that Brooklyn was having fun and she was happy with her husband. The advertisement says: -

“ROTHMANS”
“King Size, Life Size”

Knowing that two of her two daughters were happy the lady can finally sleep a bit at night but her sleep could have been better if Tacoma were to tell her how is she doing with her husband. Three months has gone by, and there was no news at all from Tacoma her third daughter. She was really worried and her sleepless night came back to bother her. So, the morning after that, she travelled to the city where Tacoma was living (it is the city of Dubai (another imaginary city of the writer)) and went to Tacoma’s apartment. At the Tacoma’s apartment door, Tacoma has written a note on a piece of paper and it reads: -

“Fly Emirates”

The lady dashed to the nearest book store looking for the advertisement for “Fly Emirates”. After a while, and after dozens of magazines, her efforts were hampered as she was unable to find any advertisement on “Fly Emirates”. She ran back to Tacoma’s apartment and she knocked on the door frantically. Nobody answered her after a while. She told herself, may be Tacoma is still on her honeymoon somewhere and was not home. So, the lady decides to go back to her house in the other big city.

At the airport, right before she left to the other city she saw one advertisement on “Fly Emirates”. The lady fainted right after reading the advertisement. Well, the advertisement reads: -


“Fly Emirates”

“16 Times Daily”

“7 Days Weekly”

“Both Ways”