Men and reasons

Recent development in the world reminds me of the two P. Ramlee movies. One being Nujum Pa’ Belalang and the second is Madu Tiga. Why these two movies? One has a riddle and the other has a song.

The wording of the riddle in Nujum Pa’ Belalang goes something like this: -

Satu, banyak
Dua, sikit-sikit
Tiga, jarang-jarang
Empat, kadang-kadang

The song lyric in Madu Tiga on the other hand goes something like this: -

Hai senangnya dalam hati
Kalau beristeri dua
Seperti dunia hai ana ampunya
Kepada isteri tua
Kanda saying padamu
Kepada isteri muda
I say I love you
Isteri tua merajuk
Balik ke rumah isteri muda
Kalau dua-dua merajuk
Ana kawin tiga
Mesti pandai membohong
Mesti pandai temberang
Tetapi jangan sampai hai pecah tembelang

The riddle and the lyric do not take you anywhere save for the fact that there are occasion where men marry more than one wife. But the question, which is frequently asked here, is do we (by we I mean men) need more than one wife. Even it is allowed in the Holy Quran, but what would be the possible reasons to justify a man to keep more than one wife?

If we look around the world, we will find that in so many regions of the world, some men do keep more than one wife. If we travel to the Middle East, the King of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia has more than one wife. The departed King Fahd came from the 5th wife. King Abdullah, his successor came from the 6th or the 7th wife. Same case with King of Swazi, King Mswati III. Recently, he gathered hundreds if not thousand of young virgins for him to choose one to be his next wife. I understand that the “chosen one” would be his 17th wife (it is a man’s dream to gather all women and choose which is the one to be his next wife).

But logic behind (the Kings) taking more than one wife was clear. So many tribes populated Africa and some parts of the Arabs country. So, the strongest tribe will emerges as the ruling tribe and civil war often occur between the tribes (just to show who will rule). While the King leads his tribe into the civil war, he is exposed to the risk of being killed. Thus, the King needs many offspring to replace him as King. Even if one or two of his princes were killed during the war he still has a lot more to replace him. Right?

But there apart from the “good” reasons, there are other reasons given by those who take more than one woman to be his “companion”. Some say men are given the ability to love more than one woman or men have to “release” their needs by having more than one wife (I think that’s the most appropriate answer). Believe me when I say I have nothing against those who has more than one wife because both my grandfathers have two each, their brothers have either two or three each and some other people I know have more than one but if the person have more than one, and he neglected either one or both, so what’s the point of having the wives with him.

My view on this matter would be based on the revelation, “And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan­ girls, then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice” Surah An-Nisa verse 3.

Most men stop reading the verse at “…marry (other) women of your choice two, three or four” but failed to proceed to the next limb. The continuance of the verse would show that “…if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one…”

Therefore, the crux of the verse is you can marry more than one woman but you have to be just. If you think that you are unable to do so, then you marry only one. But for those who have the least self-restrain, then the next limbs of the verse above are more or less left “untouched”. As long as he can “plough through a woman” then it is okay to have more than one wife and it is allowed. That would form somehow or rather shallow opinion on the subject matter.

The paramount consideration for men to have more than one wives here is the ability to deal with his wives justly. The word just or the act of being just itself is subjective. Or was it a word between subjective and objective. What does it mean by being just to the wives?

Does it mean that if you buy a red cheongsam for one you need to buy the exact same red cheongsam for the rest? Or does just mean the man ability to treat women nicely, fairly and without prejudice. As for me, just here does not mean that we have to do the former but if you shower your first wife with luxury, then the second wife if you have two, or the rest if you have more than two, should be able to have the same opportunity and vice versa.

The situation now in this country is for Muslims, they are allowed to have more than one (but some states requires the first wife to consent to the subsequent marriage) but for the non-Muslims, the law prohibit such arrangements even though before the Law Reform (Marriage & Divorce) Act, 1976 comes into force, Chinese and Indians ethnics are allowed to keep more than one wife. For the Chinese, previously, they have the principal wife which is known as “Tsip” and secondary wives known as “Tsai”. I can’t remember the Indian’s situation but I remember the instances where they have more than one wife.

The intention of the parliament and the state authorities in enacting these laws are very clear. To prevent the cases where wives are neglected, abused and tortured (mentally and physically). Even if for the Muslims, the laws allow the arrangements but it would be a sin if the wives are neglected, abused and tortured and for the wives, they have rights to ask from the husband what they want. Finally, we men have to keep at the back of our head that marrying more than one women is not just to “satisfy” your needs because the responsibilities that come with the arrangements are huge.